Prologue:
In Limbo, a group of gremlins are exchanging superstitious stories about contacts with human beings: mythological creatures who supposedly inhabit the 3rd dimension.
http://johnkpitch.blogspot.com/2008/02/goofy-gremlins.html
Wally doesn't buy it. He laughs at the ignorant reports, especially at the warnings of bad luck that follows encounters with the mythical humans.
Dissolve to:
The Freeway. POV inside the car
In the distance a tiny green spot hovers. It grows slowly at first, gains speed and smashes into the windshield. It's Wally!
The driver sees Wally, but thinks he's a bug. He turns the windshield wipers on full speed and squirts him with window cleaning spray.
Wally is stuck fast.
Decent American Family Home - Driveway
The car pulls into the driveway. The driver gets out and tells his son to wash the car,"There were a lot of bugs on the freeway today!"
The little boy scrapes hundreds of bugs off the windshield and into a bucket of soapy water when he notices, "Hey, one of 'em's still alive! And...I think it's a gremlin!"
The kid pulls Wally out of a pile of bug bodies. He puts it into a bee keeper - that already has a very angry bee in it. The kid doesn't worry about Wally "Gremlins are too tough to get stung!"
Dad Sees Wally - thinks he's a lucky small
The kid (Billy) shows Dad his happy find. Dad is ecstatic. He's heard friends say that gremlins bring good luck! He digs out books: Almanacs, Zoology texts, checks the internet. He looks up Gremlin folklore, thinking to milk Wally for all the luck he's worth.
Remove Spots
He reads that "If you remove a Gremlin's spots, you will find a pot of gold."
They try cleaning fluid, nail-polish remover, gasoline etc...nothing works.
Wally gets nauseous from man's chemicals and finally gives in.
He tells them he secret spot remover is rubber-cement. They apply the substance and roll the spots off with ease.
Dad puts his hand out and says, "Well? Where's my pot of Gold?"
Wally hands him coupons instead. Dad loses his patience. "What good is he? Give him to the cat."
Cat Toy
Cut to Wally tied to a string attached to the kitchen table.
The cat bats him around, having a great time. Wally gets covered in cat fur and starts sneezing.Billy Takes Pity
He gives Wally a bath, then fits him with a snappy suit of Leprechaun clothes - which he hates.
Time To Do Nature's Duty
Dad decides Wally is part of the family now. He gives him a corner to call his own.
He spreads some newspaper for him. Wally says "Thanks!" and flips through it to the sports page. Dad corrects him, "no, no, Wally. That's for you to do your Gremlin duty on!"
Dad presses Wally's rear end down gently on the paper and says "Don't be bashful. We all do it, even Mother." Wally catches on and slaps Dad's hand out of the way.
Indignantly:"Well gremlins don't!"
Rub Belly
Bill comes in with a cub-scout folklore manual: "You know what gremlins really like? They like to have their bellies rubbed!"
Wally is shocked by this latest obscenity. They flip him over and he squirms violently, but finally succumbs to sleep.
Night Escape! Film Noir Habitrail
Wally wakes up in the middle of the night. "Now's my chance to escape!"
He runs down eerie dark corridors with long black film noir shadows and twisted perspective.
After a suspenseful series of maze-like halls he halts before what appears to be a huge ferris wheel looming above him. He mounts the opposing structure.
Dad is awakened by strange noises in he basement and investigates. He flips on the light switch and we see Wally furiously running along the exercise wheel inside an intricate Habi-trail.
Oogling Fat Ladies
The next day, Dad invites friends over to see the magical little gnome to brag about him. The women emit embarrassing gurgling sounds and coo in a disgusting manner. We hear them from our own point of view first, then cut to Wally's ear-holes throbbing at the sounds - which from his point of view are huge bellowing slow motion rumbles and belches. He squeaks at them and they think it's cute and reward him by expelling huge explosive sounds from squeaking baby toys.
Happy Song
The men force Wally to sing a happy song like little folks do in the cartoons. Wally doesn't know any happy songs and the men get mad, so he makes one up on the spot. It sounds like it. The neighbors are not impressed. "We said Happy, not Crappy!"
Wally Despondent
Wally soon grows morose. Dad thinks he needs a playmate. He brings home weevils, a baby duck, gerbils etc. The animals attempt obscure rights with him, which baffle him. They sit on him and try to lay him like a egg, groom him, pull out tics, etc.
Food Will Make Him Happy
The family feeds Wally in the hopes of cheering him up. They don't realize that Gremlins don't need food. Wally grows obese.
Dad notices Wally lying on his back in the middle of the living room carpet, his belly now hideously distended and bloated with unwanted food. He is just to massive to take care of anymore.
Father and Son Talk
Dad has a long talk with Billy about there coming a time in one's life to part with childish things - like overfed Gremlins: "...and it's not fair to Wally. He's a wild thing. He needs to be with his own kind." The talk over, Billy has lost interest in him anyway and washes Wally down the garbage disposal. We follow his path through a cross-section of the sewer system in Florida, where we see many little Wallies pursuing the native wildlife.
Voiceover:
"And so Wally is once again happy, upsetting the delicate balance of nature, here in the Everglades, the world's melting pot of primitive creatures..."
Fade out
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