Meeting:

THE HEARTACHES
He Hog the Atomic Pig
Kaspar The Unfriendly Bear
KASPAR STORYBOARDS
REPACKAGING CLASSIC CARTOONS AND ADDING NEW WRAPAROUNDS AND CARTOONS

TOYS AND CARTOONS COMBINED - RETRO IDEA

SPUMCO ACTION TOYS AND CARTOONS

SPUMCO TOYS

Kaspar Pilot

outline by Tom Minton:

KASPAR THE THWARTER OF URGES

A WONDERFUL MORNING - Letter

A nice day in the forest, beautiful flowers. Kaspar sits, looking thoughtful. We reveal he’s writing a letter as the sun slowly rises.

“I just thought I’d write and tell you exactly what I think about you, you reprehensible piece of gutter trash. Oh, and say ‘Hi’ to Dad.

Hate,
Your Only Son,

Kaspar

P.S. Why aren’t you dead, yet?”


TIME TO GET BUSY

Kaspar folds letter, puts it in envelope and shouts for a Mail Bird, who quickly flies in. Kaspar hands bird the letter. “OK, fly!” Bird exits. Kaspar shoots bird o.s., then stretches, yawning. “Time to get busy! A bastard’s work is never done.” Kaspar sniffs the air, grinning, picking up a familiar scent. He moves o.s. A beat and WE PAN OVER TO

EXT. RANGERS’ LATEST WEIRD FOREST DWELLING – TRUCK IN AND CUT

RANGERS LIVING SPACE

The rangers Malinyski and Little Horst click on the light, illuminating the inside of their little place. They have just moved in to this, their latest spot to evade Kaspar. They are getting up.


KASPAR WAS HERE – Underpants Crisis

Little Horst dons his underwear but his briefs won’t stay up. He finds the elastic has been pulled out of the waistband. “Hey! What’s wrong with my underwear?” He grabs another pair. “This pair is ruined, too!” Ranger Malinyski (Horst’s dad) pulls on a sock with each hand, only to find the toes ripped out by something large and sharp. “My socks! Who could possibly do such a thing?” WE PAN OVER TO WINDOW, revealing Kaspar’s large head and eyes looking in, as he chortles to himself. Then Kaspar ducks out of sight.

RANGERS’ Urges

Little Horst convulsively sneezes and asks “Why did I do that, Daddy?” Malinyski answers “Son, It's time I told you about human instincts.” He explains how humans behave instinctively but Kaspar is always there to thwart their every natural urge. That’s why God created urges.

They look at a list of human urges on the fridge and decide to spend a quality Father and Son day following their natural instincts.

Little Horst is ecstatic. He crams the sneezed material back in his nose and follows his dad.

Day Of Following Urges in the Forest

Malinysky and Little Horst take a frolicking stroll through the woodlands, eager to act upon their natural urges.

Kaspar is hiding behind every tree and bush, ready to fulfill his ecological role as the thwarter of natural instincts. After all, what good is an instinct unless there is something to thwart it?

Urinal Thwart

The rangers stand atop Pee Valley to release an urge, but are stopped in their tracks by a sign ordering them not to use the Urinal.

KASPAR TAKES A BREAK FROM THWARTING INSTINCTS :REPAST
Kaspar decides to take a lunch break.
He approaches a tree and forces it to give its nest.

The tree produces a large wasp’s nest and Kaspar removes Wilber. He whacks it, and Wilbur the Wasp rolls out groggily, rubbing his head. Kaspar grabs Wilbur and unscrews his stinger, pouring “Ukrainian honey” onto a slice of white toast. Kaspar tells Wilbur he’s one drop short and to make sure he collects enough pollen tomorrow. But not to slack off on his stinging of people. Wilbur flies off and we hear someone o.s. scream. Kaspar smiles.
THE BIG INSTINCT - parasites

Malinyski takes advantage of Kaspar's lunch break. He follows an urge to happily scratch his bodily parasites but poor Little Horst can’t join in -- he’s not itchy today because his parasite has died.

A MORAL QUANDARY

Little Horst asks his dad if he can have one of his. Malinyski thinks hard but just can’t part with his tapeworm. It’s been with him so long, now.

KASPAR’S OFFICE

We see Kaspar’s father’s gigantic, mounted and stuffed foot, in the center of a clearing, with a door in it. This is Kaspar’s office, adjacent to a tall tree with a crow’s nest lookout at the very top.

ON LOOKOUT Kaspar watching TV Monitor

The lookout sees something, pointing an archaic TV camera to something o.s.

Kaspar watches lookout’s view on an ancient, black and white TV with rabbit ears. He sees the tiny figures of the rangers climbing up mountain. “Human rangers are migratory but these two encroach on animal territories, where they must not.”

BLOODSUCKER DELL -Parasite Falls

Parasite falls is fed by a melting glacier. The glacier is stuffed with ancient parasites that fed on dinosaurs and long-extinct creatures. As the ice melts, the horrific paleozoic parasites sail down the river to feed on life forms much more evolved than their original hosts.

Braving impossible terrain, the rangers finally reach their geographic goal – a magnificent natural tableau, with the fabled river of parasites revealed to be – barren! Kaspar has beaten them to the punch, sitting there stuffing the last parasite into his ear for himself. Malinyski looks dejected but Little Horst’s urges are driving him crazy. The kid can’t hold his instincts much longer. He is dying to be itchy. Kaspar chortles, pleased with himself.

GENUINE HEART

As the rangers turn to leave, they remember they have something for Malinyski. Little Horst hands him a homemade card, in honor of “National Crab Day.” (This is the opposite of a Valentine's Day card)

Kaspar looks at the card, which says “We Hate You, Kaspar!” Kaspar is touched. He leans down and tells Little Horst “You can have one of MY parasites!” Little Horst is overjoyed.


VLADIMIR SPEAKS

Vlad the parasite remarks “I always wanted a human host!” Malinyski: “How does it feel, son?” Horst: “It really hurts!” Malinyski: “Great!”

BRIEF MUSICAL OUTRO

“Horst the Human Host” is sung as the two rangers, united by Vladimir, do a little limited animation walk to the beat of the music. Little Horst at last feels, with his newest and biggest parasite Vladimir, itchy enough to scratch.

LAST SHOT ON KASPAR _ Crying

Kaspar proudly holds up his card “They really hate me!” He grins in deep satisfaction, a parasite filled tear dripping down his rough muzzle.

Wally Whimsy Pilot Story

Prologue:

In Limbo, a group of gremlins are exchanging superstitious stories about contacts with human beings: mythological creatures who supposedly inhabit the 3rd dimension.

http://johnkpitch.blogspot.com/2008/02/goofy-gremlins.html

Wally doesn't buy it. He laughs at the ignorant reports, especially at the warnings of bad luck that follows encounters with the mythical humans.

Dissolve to:

The Freeway. POV inside the car

In the distance a tiny green spot hovers. It grows slowly at first, gains speed and smashes into the windshield. It's Wally!




The driver sees Wally, but thinks he's a bug. He turns the windshield wipers on full speed and squirts him with window cleaning spray.
Wally is stuck fast.

Decent American Family Home - Driveway

The car pulls into the driveway. The driver gets out and tells his son to wash the car,"There were a lot of bugs on the freeway today!"

The little boy scrapes hundreds of bugs off the windshield and into a bucket of soapy water when he notices, "Hey, one of 'em's still alive! And...I think it's a gremlin!"

The kid pulls Wally out of a pile of bug bodies. He puts it into a bee keeper - that already has a very angry bee in it. The kid doesn't worry about Wally "Gremlins are too tough to get stung!"

Dad Sees Wally - thinks he's a lucky small

The kid (Billy) shows Dad his happy find. Dad is ecstatic. He's heard friends say that gremlins bring good luck! He digs out books: Almanacs, Zoology texts, checks the internet. He looks up Gremlin folklore, thinking to milk Wally for all the luck he's worth.

Remove Spots

He reads that "If you remove a Gremlin's spots, you will find a pot of gold."
They try cleaning fluid, nail-polish remover, gasoline etc...nothing works.
Wally gets nauseous from man's chemicals and finally gives in.

He tells them he secret spot remover is rubber-cement. They apply the substance and roll the spots off with ease.

Dad puts his hand out and says, "Well? Where's my pot of Gold?"
Wally hands him coupons instead. Dad loses his patience. "What good is he? Give him to the cat."

Cat Toy

Cut to Wally tied to a string attached to the kitchen table. The cat bats him around, having a great time. Wally gets covered in cat fur and starts sneezing.

Billy Takes Pity

He gives Wally a bath, then fits him with a snappy suit of Leprechaun clothes - which he hates.

Time To Do Nature's Duty

Dad decides Wally is part of the family now. He gives him a corner to call his own.
He spreads some newspaper for him. Wally says "Thanks!" and flips through it to the sports page. Dad corrects him, "no, no, Wally. That's for you to do your Gremlin duty on!"

Dad presses Wally's rear end down gently on the paper and says "Don't be bashful. We all do it, even Mother." Wally catches on and slaps Dad's hand out of the way.
Indignantly:"Well gremlins don't!"

Rub Belly

Bill comes in with a cub-scout folklore manual: "You know what gremlins really like? They like to have their bellies rubbed!"



Wally is shocked by this latest obscenity. They flip him over and he squirms violently, but finally succumbs to sleep.

Night Escape! Film Noir Habitrail

Wally wakes up in the middle of the night. "Now's my chance to escape!"
He runs down eerie dark corridors with long black film noir shadows and twisted perspective.
After a suspenseful series of maze-like halls he halts before what appears to be a huge ferris wheel looming above him. He mounts the opposing structure.

Dad is awakened by strange noises in he basement and investigates. He flips on the light switch and we see Wally furiously running along the exercise wheel inside an intricate Habi-trail.

Oogling Fat Ladies

The next day, Dad invites friends over to see the magical little gnome to brag about him. The women emit embarrassing gurgling sounds and coo in a disgusting manner. We hear them from our own point of view first, then cut to Wally's ear-holes throbbing at the sounds - which from his point of view are huge bellowing slow motion rumbles and belches. He squeaks at them and they think it's cute and reward him by expelling huge explosive sounds from squeaking baby toys.

Happy Song

The men force Wally to sing a happy song like little folks do in the cartoons. Wally doesn't know any happy songs and the men get mad, so he makes one up on the spot. It sounds like it. The neighbors are not impressed. "We said Happy, not Crappy!"

Wally Despondent

Wally soon grows morose. Dad thinks he needs a playmate. He brings home weevils, a baby duck, gerbils etc. The animals attempt obscure rights with him, which baffle him. They sit on him and try to lay him like a egg, groom him, pull out tics, etc.

Food Will Make Him Happy

The family feeds Wally in the hopes of cheering him up. They don't realize that Gremlins don't need food. Wally grows obese.

Dad notices Wally lying on his back in the middle of the living room carpet, his belly now hideously distended and bloated with unwanted food. He is just to massive to take care of anymore.

Father and Son Talk

Dad has a long talk with Billy about there coming a time in one's life to part with childish things - like overfed Gremlins: "...and it's not fair to Wally. He's a wild thing. He needs to be with his own kind." The talk over, Billy has lost interest in him anyway and washes Wally down the garbage disposal. We follow his path through a cross-section of the sewer system in Florida, where we see many little Wallies pursuing the native wildlife.

Voiceover:

"And so Wally is once again happy, upsetting the delicate balance of nature, here in the Everglades, the world's melting pot of primitive creatures..."

Fade out

Wally Whimsy

The Wally Whimsy Show

Show Premise

The Wally Whimsy Show is a take off on a time tested-Saturday Morning Cartoon genre - The ‘small’ show. ‘Small’ shows typically feature tiny magical creatures that bring good fortune to people or ‘get along’ with everybody. We are supposed to learn morals from them and generally get the message that everything will be oh so wonderful if we only learn to love each other like the small folk do. In other words, ‘Small shows’ prepare us to live in a world that is exactly the opposite of real life.

The Smurfs, The Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake, The Gummi Bears, The Littles all adhere to this format.

Our show makes fun of all the clichés and traditions we’ve blindly come to accept from small shows.

John K. Presents: episode 2

Episode 2

Titles and INTRO: 2 minutes - Live Action John with...

CARTOON 1: 5 minutes: Heartaches Poodle Story
THE HEARTACHES


Fake Commercial: 1 minute: My Little Ass - meet the Share Bears

CARTOON 2: 3 minutes: TBD?

OUTRO and titles: 1 minute:

MISERABLE THE DISAGREEABLE MOOSE -1

(1st Bear/Moose cartoon)

[SITUATION: Kaspar is usually the one who irritates the Rangers of Ruthenia. Miserable the Disagreeable Moose comes along and pesters the Rangers. Kaspar Bear must challenge Miserable’s meanness in order to assert his authority.]




Morning

Kaspar wakes up one morning. Sun shining through hole in his tree. He wipes the crud off his eyes (add joke-what does he do with it?)

EVERYONE ALREADY CRYING

He goes outside and is surprised to see everyone already sad and crying.

Pan with him. He stops in shock
Everybody is already crying – pan across them
Kaspar asks what happened
They say “you’re too late. Someone has already been mean to us!”

Kaspar is furious!!
Kaspar: “Who? Who has been been despoiling my territory?”




He demands to know who has been encroaching on his territory and finds out that it’s Miserable The Disagreeable Moose.

MEAN OFF
He tracks Miserable down and challenges him to a Mean Off. Whoever wins, gets to keep Kaspar’s territory.


The two meanies are squared off while the other forest denizens boo on their favorite.
Kaspar chews tobacco.
He wipes the chewing tobacco across the side of Miserable’s face: “How do you like that? Got any complaints? You want some more?”

Miserable burns as he wipes off the tobacco.
He peels his lips back and spits in Kaspar’s face.

MRS. MISERABLE
Kaspar sees a female moose watching the battle.
Kaspar: “Is that your wife over there?”
Miserable: “Yeah.”
Kaspar goes over and kisses Miserable’s wife.
Kaspar has won this round and poor Miserable leaves, dejected.

Baby (Precious, the Human Baby)

Walking home: Well I guess I showed him! I can hardly wait to realax and play with Precious, my human baby.

Kaspar Bear comes home after a hard day’s work, ready to relax and play with his baby.
A note is pinned to cave door. It reads: I couldn’t stand the smell and had to leave. Signed, the Babysitter.

Baby is Stinky

Kaspar goes inside, over to the baby crib.
He picks his (human) baby out of the crib, sniffs it.
Kaspar: “My baby smells horrible! What gives?”
Then it dons on Kaspar what happened.


Kaspar Marches across the steppes

Kaspar stomps outside. He walks over a mountain and down into a new section of forest.
He knocks on a tree.

Miserable's Home

A door opens. It’s Miserable the Disagreeable Moose.
Kaspar is mad. He pokes his finger into the Moose’s shoulder and says, “You farted on my baby, didn’t you?!”

Miserable gloats an evil gleeful smile of triumph.
Kaspar: “That was really lowww!

Y’know,

I gotta hand it to you. I like that.
In fact, I like you!
And I don’t like anybody!”

Kaspar: “You owe me ten bucks for the baby-sitter!”

GOODY 3 SHOES

EST GOODY 3 SHOES

Goody Three-Shoes wears red plastic shoes on her cute 3 feet.
Everybody likes her, which makes her sad.
She’s looking for someone to detest her.
People always give her presents and ask her to marry them.


One day she sits on a stump, crying.
Grumpy Kaspar walks up to her and asks her “What’s wrong, little girl?”
Goody blubbers: “Nobody hates me!”

KASPAR ASSURES HER HE HATES HER

Bear says, “Well, I hate you! In fact, you make me sick, you sniveling little twerp! Didn’t your parents teach you that little girls don’t cry?”

PROPOSAL

Goody is overjoyed. “Wow, you’re the first one to ever hate me!” She loves Kaspar now. She follows him everywhere, driving him crazy.
Goody says: “Please marry me, Mister Big Grumpy Bear!”

Bear: “Over my smelly body!”
Goody: “I promise you’ll hate my cooking more than you hate me, and I’ll never clean up, and I’ll talk about women’s lib every night, and won’t let you watch football, and I’ll tell you all the jokes in “I Love Lucy” just before they happen.”

Kaspar: “That’s disgusting! Now I really hate you!”
Goody tilts her head back and closes her eyes.
Goody: “Whisper that in my ear!”

KASPAR WHISPER SWEET INSULTS

Bear leans over, puts his lips in front of her ear and softly whispers, “I really really hate you.”
Goody sighs, “Oooh, tell me how much you hate me.”
Kaspar whispers soft words of loathing,

“I hate you more than creamed cauliflower, more than cleaning the cat box, etc.”
Tiny hairs in Goody’s ear vibrate from the bear’s repugnant breath.
Goody shivers.

She says, “Marry me!”
Bear: “YES!”

Kaspar makes Ranger Malinyski marry them.

The Marital Vows:

Pastor Ranger: “Do you, Goody Three-Shoes, promise to bicker every day and nag your husband into an early grave?”
Goody: “I do.”

Pastor Ranger: “Do you, Kaspar Bear, promise to stay out late and forget to call… go bowling on your anniversary, alienate yourself from her parents, borrow money from her parents under a flimsy pretense, then spend the money on comic books instead?”

Kaspar hesitates, not sure if he’s ready to make such a promise.
Goody gets mad and elbows him, “HONEY!”

Kaspar: “O.K, O.K., I do!”
Goody is satisfied. The Pastor finishes the job.

“I now sentence you to eternal misery. You may kiss your freedom good-bye.”
Kaspar and Goody kiss.
They live miserably ever after.