Premise - The Bomb ShelterOmens
George wakes up one day with his bunion aching and swollen to the size of an apple. It’s a bad omen. He walks over to the window, looks outside and says “there’s something in the air.” Outside he notices a squirrel with a black spot on his back. Another omen. “It’s bad, it’s baaad,” he says nervously. A string of omens causes George to deduce that the end is coming. He fears that the Canadians are going to drop the bomb on America and all hell will break loose.
George decides, “They ain’t gonna get me!” He decides to build a bomb shelter in the basement. He and Jimmy stock it with canned goods and beef jerky, the basic requirements for life. “It’s gonna be a long haul, son.”
He grabs Jimmy and says, “Run and get your little Canadian girly friend. We’re gonna need her.”
Sody comes over and George sits her and Jimmy down to tell them the hard facts of life. “It’s up to you two. You have to propagate the species.” George thinks that this is an ugly reality of life but Sody is eager. “Now?” she says. “No, not now, says George, “There’s a right time for everything.” (George Liquor has a time for every human function. He does everything by the book.
“Wake up! It’s 3:00 in the morning. Crap time!”)
George and the kids stay in the bomb shelter for months. George is convinced the outer world is gone even though nothing has happened.
FBI Finds Folks in Bomb Shelter
The missing persons bureau, the FBI, and the police show up at George’s house looking for clues to his disappearance. George hears them rooting around above ground and thinks they’re the commie Canadians.
“He turns to the kids, “Well, how do you like that?” “The buggers did it, the Canadians won. They kicked our butts.” He shakes Sody’s hand. “I like your people”, he says, “you’ll bear us fine stock.”
George hands them his old army blanket. “Now you two take this blanket and get to propagating. Not here, over in the corner. And use this sheet with hole in it! Don’t have any fun. This is strictly functional! I’ll hold off the commies.” He starts yelling up the stairs, “You’ll never take me alive! You dirty, red Canucks!"
Out Of That Hole!
The authorities realize that they found George and they blow the roof off of his cellar and drag the three of them out. Michael, Sody’s dad, is there, completely pissed. He’s been looking for her for months. He’s been imagining the worst things. George is stunned that the world is still there and happy as hell to see his old pal. Then he realizes “Holy Jumpin' Bejeezus!, I had the kids propagate for nothing.”
Michael screams, “What?!!” as Jimmy and Sody’s heads pop out from under the blanket. Jimmy’s face is blushed, Sody is glowing and George and Michael have a fist fight. Everybody is happy.