Wild ElkdomGeorge and Jimmy go hunting.
George tells Jimmy all about the beauty of nature as they ride to the wilderness in a huge 4 by 4. We need our walls to be as beautiful as the wild - only dead!
Nature Show Being Filmed
While they hunt, we keep cutting away to a jeep driven by an elk. The Elk’s TV crew rides with him.
The elk has a nature show that other elks watch, called Wild Elkdom. It plays on the Man Planet TV network.
Today the Elk naturalists are studying the habits of humans in the wild.
Goose Bumps and Piss Willies
As George stalks animals in the forest, he keeps feeling like he’s being watched. He hears rustling and looks over his shoulder. The Elks quickly camouflage their jeep as a suburban house.
George is appeased for the moment, but remains suspicious.
The elks wear trophy plaques around their necks. When George looks at them, they turn their heads down and stare straight ahead like mounted trophies. This fools George.
The elk shoots Jimmy and George with a tranquilizer gun.
The boys lay still, frightened, helpless. They stare up at the scientists with wet cow eyes. Pitiful.
The elks get in for a close look.
Elks Study Human Anatomy
They take the clothes off the boys.
The elks study the human anatomy and explain what they see to the TV audience.
They misread what each human anatomical structure is for.
The elk host points out their hair. “We can see by their brush cuts (crew cuts) that these are amphibious humans. The brush cut has evolved to help humans filter feed plankton.”
The elk checks Jimmy out, decides that he is the female of the pair.
“The male is the attractive gender of the human species.
Note the slight build and the blander appearance of the female. “
From behind a bush, other male humans leer at Jimmy.
The elk places the boys in the “mating position”. He folds Jimmy in two and gently lays his butt on George’s ear.
George whispers to Jimmy how demeaning the situation is.
Love Is Universal
The elk explains how love is universal and a beautiful act, even in the human kingdom.
Elk Family Watches Show
In a middle class elk family’s lair, Dad, Mom and the kids watch “Wild Elkdom”.
Do Humans Go To Heaven?
Junior elk asks Dad, “Daddy, do humans go to heaven?”
Dad says, “I’m afraid not, son.”
Little Tabitha Elk says, “I wanna human puppy for Christmas.” Mom says, “Those are wild humans, Tabitha. Maybe we’ll get a tame one at the pet store.”
Elks Tag The Boys
The elks tag the boys, so they can study their migration habits.
The elks give them another shot and run back to the jeep.
The Boys Come To
The effects of the tranquilizers wear off slowly. The boys stagger on all fours.George takes a shot of rye whisky and gives Jimmy a slug. “This’ll get the blood circulating.””I never wanna go through that again.”