Monday, October 29, 2007

HE HOG'S SECRET HEADQUARTERS

SECRET HEADQUARTERS

Half-Life grabs some grape jelly from He-Hog's "Utility - Hindquarters"
THE FORTRESS OF RECTITUDE: TOP TOP SECRET
He-Hog’s Secret Headquarters is so secret that even He-Hog doesn’t know where it is. Never is its exact location revealed, not even to the audience. We do know, however that it is somewhere in CANADA.


The Precious Brain Cell
Many pig-years ago, He-Hog built his secret lair. When it was complete, He-Hog had Half-Life (the only being he trusts) remove the brain cell in his head that stores the memory of the secret location. Half-Life placed this valuable brain cell in a huge vault to keep it from falling into the hands of the evil villains that crave he Hog's scientific secrets.

Forever after, Half-Life must lead He-Hog blindfolded to and from the secret lab.

Trips To The Secret Lair
Once He-Hog is blindfolded, the screen goes black and we can only hear their journey. We hear their footsteps as they step on chickens, old ladies’ feet, trudge through primordial ooze, etc.

Half-Life always leads He-Hog to the wrong location first: into a shower stall with a bathing lady, a medieval witch burning festival, etc…
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Fortress City

After we get used to the idea of He Hogs' secret Fortress, we soon reveal that he lives in a neighborhood of superhero fortresses.

One day as he is doing an experiment in the lab, :" Oh darn! I've run out of Plutonium!" He jostles an empty shaker over a bubbling beaker.

He puts on his parka and goes outside his fortress to the nearest neighbor's fortress. Manbat has a Fortress Of Pulchritude.

He Hog rings the doorbell and when Manbat answers, he asks to borrow a cup of extra radioactive Plutonium.

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INTERIOR HEADQUARTERS: DIFFERENT AREAS INSIDE THE HQ

• CONTROL CONSOLE
Inside the secret headquarters everything is HOG-TECH.
There is a Ham Radio, Ham Television, Ham Phone, Ham Sandwich…
He-Hog turns on his equipment by inserting his corkscrew tail into secret slots.

• CRIME LAB
Analysis

• SCIENCE LAB
Marmalade Studies Center

Here, He-Hog studies marmalade’s special volatile properties. The marmalade is handled in a protective glass case. He puts his hands in asbestos gloves that are attached to the case.

He studies the marmalade’s viscosity, and adherent properties. If He-Hog can discover why Marmalade will cling to his butt, maybe he can create a non-toxic marmalade-atom-based trouser that he can wear. His experiments always fail. He-Hog takes his failures with good grace. “This butt of mine is a tough nut to crack!”

• SPA

Any area in the Spa is a good excuse to do sexy scenes with Alfred helping He-Hog and Half-Life relax.

Massage Table

He-Hog lays face down on the table as his little towel floats above his butt. (Nothing will stick to his ultra smooth butt.)

Radioactive Waste Bath

HOTLINES

He-Hog has a special table filled with phones connected to the world’s important political centers:

Police Headquarters
The White House
The Kremlin
Spumco

• WORKSHOP

This is where He-Hog builds his specialized equipment:
Vehicles
Replicas

3 comments:

NateBear said...

John, you are undoubtedly one of the most creative people ever.

And the beauty is how you leave the details open for interpretation. But how can you go wrong with set-ups like this!

Roberto said...

I really like this idea (and others), John. They're so creative. You never know what surprises will pop up, like the reference to Spumco or the blackout gag.

Craig D said...

As an obviously phoney entertainment industry mogul, I'd like to start the bidding for this delightful series at ONE BRAZILLION imaginary dollars.

An entertainment-starved world hangs in the balance.