Monday, October 29, 2007

The Bottled City Of Human Women

He Hog Surveys Earth For Suitable Specimens of Human Women For An Environmental Preserve

One day, Half Life peers into He Hog's laboratory and sees him sitting behind a big glass bottle.

He Hog is wearing retractable microscopic spectacles and staring into the bottle while looking supremely intelligent.
Half Life asks what's in the bottle.

"This is a perfectly preserved miniature city, Half Life. It is peopled with a superior race... Human Women."

Half Life: "Why do we need that?"

He Hog looks up, an extremely grave expression on his begoggled snout. He says in a very serious voice:

"Because, young one, MAN IS INSANE. In his infinite arrogance, in his vainglorious lust for power he is sure to destroy the planet and himself in the process. I have taken it upon myself to preserve earth's greatest natural resource. His women."

He goes on to explain that he has shrunken 1,000,000 of them and built a tiny futuristic city to store them in. It is a big responsibility to care for them every day. He points to his latest invention, the CLIMATE DISPENSER. "I have perfectly recreated the conditions of earth's atmosphere and climate."

It has buttons on it labeled:
FEMA (Failed Emergency Management Association)

He Hog picks up some tweezers and reaches into the bottle. He carefully plucks tiny wriggling things out and discards them one at a time into a wastebasket operated deftly by his hoof.

"What are you doing now, He Hog?" asks the naive little sidekick.

He Hog looks up and says matter-of-factly..."Getting rid of the ugly ones."


On Halloween night the neighborhood kids (seals, polar bears and Eskimos) start knocking on He Hog's secret door. They expect some nice sugary treats.

He Hog answers the door and realizes that he has been working so long in his lab that he forgot all about this favorite holiday! How embarrassing!

Never one to disappoint the kiddies he rushes to the lab and back again with a sly look on his face. He gingerly drops tiny hot chicks from the Bottled City Of Human Women into the trick or treat bags.

Plop, plop.... dump!

The kids cheer. "Yay He Hog!"

"Don't eat too many in one night, kids!"

He winks at the kiddies as they rush away gleefully.


Jake Thomas said...

He Hog gives out hot women for Halloween? That is the most fantastic thing I have ever heard.

akira said...

man i can't believe you aren't making cartoon series right now! hopefully there are executives who can read and have an understanding of what cartoon fans really want: JOHN K CARTOONS!

Mitch Leeuwe said...

He Hog is the man!
Hot stuff!

lastangelman said...

... and all I got for Halloween was some stale candy corn, a wormy apple and dirty piece of coal (early Christmas present, I suppose).

Chris_Garrison said...

Hey - maybe you should not approve the following comment for general viewing here. I'd rather any execs not see this, because it's just meant as a note to you. (I'll try to come back later and give a comment for the execs to read, about how much I want to see these shows on TV!)

Anyway, I think you should have separate blogs for separate shows. He-Hog pitch blog, George Liquor pitch blog, etc. Because when an exec looks at this page, he won't be able to stay focused and really think about a show. Because he's thinking about 2 or 3 or 10 shows, back and forth. He's going to say, "John K's ideas are all over the place." Then he'll cross his eyes, start drooling, and wander away to get a snack.

But I think if they were separate blogs, the exec would feel calm and cool and receptive to enjoying the gags and characters and stories. He'd say, "Let me sit down and learn all about He-Hog." Then when he's done, he'd say, "That was great. After lunch, I'll come back and look into this other one, with the idiot boy person." Organization equals digestability!

And thanks for keeping at this so consistently. You're a daily inspiration, as I'm sure you know.

Sphyzex_9 said...

That's awesome. I would watch this show daily.

JohnK said...

Hi Chris

you're right

it isn't totally organized yet. I was just starting to build it with all the links and I wanted to get some comments in here as i went.

Hopefully it will be be rearranged a bit better soon.

Jim Rockford said...

HA! He-Hog discards the ugly ones!thats hilarious!
and if the real life human women label him a typical male pig,its a complement!
Hoooray for He-Hog!
I'll trick or treat at his home next halloween!