HE HOG'S COMIC BOOK WORLD - SECRET IDENTITIES

MULTIPLE SECRET IDENTITIES

He-Hog loves the concept of having a secret identity so much, he has more than one.

• DR. HORTOBAGY BOGHOSIAN, Comedy Dentist

One secret identity he assumes is
DR. HORTOBAGY BOGHOSIAN, a
family dentist.

• PRISON CONVICT

Another identity is a MILD-MANNERED PRISON CONVICT, serving out a life sentence for unspeakable crimes against humanity. Whenever he hears the call to justice, he has to slug a guard and escape from prison in order to preserve law and order.

• SUPERHERO

Sometimes He-Hog poses in a role that no one would ever suspect, ANOTHER SUPERHERO. We show him changing in a phone booth from one superhero costume to another.

• QUACK PSYCHOLOGIST

In this role, He-Hog lures unsuspecting sufferers into such crackpot therapies as primal screaming. He gets on the floor with his patients and screams with them at the top of their lungs. He debases his patients horribly, making them roll around on the floor, visit their past lives and bark like a dog.

On the wall behind his desk, he has diplomas in related fields of psychology, such as a degree in chicanery.

At the beginning of a new patient’s treatment, He-Hog carefully advises his subject that he is not here to “cure” him, he is here to finance his new house in Maine.

He-Hog despises charlatans and so eventually exposes himself.

• CLARK KENT (w/o pants)

He Hog is disguised as Clark Kent in suit jacket and tie, but is naked from the waist down, like He-Hog, curly tail and all.

HE HOG'S SECRET HEADQUARTERS

SECRET HEADQUARTERS

Half-Life grabs some grape jelly from He-Hog's "Utility - Hindquarters"

THE FORTRESS OF RECTITUDE: TOP TOP SECRET
He-Hog’s Secret Headquarters is so secret that even He-Hog doesn’t know where it is. Never is its exact location revealed, not even to the audience. We do know, however that it is somewhere in CANADA.


The Precious Brain Cell
Many pig-years ago, He-Hog built his secret lair. When it was complete, He-Hog had Half-Life (the only being he trusts) remove the brain cell in his head that stores the memory of the secret location. Half-Life placed this valuable brain cell in a huge vault to keep it from falling into the hands of the evil villains that crave he Hog's scientific secrets.

Forever after, Half-Life must lead He-Hog blindfolded to and from the secret lab.

Trips To The Secret Lair
Once He-Hog is blindfolded, the screen goes black and we can only hear their journey. We hear their footsteps as they step on chickens, old ladies’ feet, trudge through primordial ooze, etc.

Half-Life always leads He-Hog to the wrong location first: into a shower stall with a bathing lady, a medieval witch burning festival, etc…

______________________________

Fortress City

After we get used to the idea of He Hogs' secret Fortress, we soon reveal that he lives in a neighborhood of superhero fortresses.

One day as he is doing an experiment in the lab, :" Oh darn! I've run out of Plutonium!" He jostles an empty shaker over a bubbling beaker.

He puts on his parka and goes outside his fortress to the nearest neighbor's fortress. Manbat has a Fortress Of Pulchritude.

He Hog rings the doorbell and when Manbat answers, he asks to borrow a cup of extra radioactive Plutonium.

______________________________

INTERIOR HEADQUARTERS: DIFFERENT AREAS INSIDE THE HQ

• CONTROL CONSOLE
Inside the secret headquarters everything is HOG-TECH.
There is a Ham Radio, Ham Television, Ham Phone, Ham Sandwich…
He-Hog turns on his equipment by inserting his corkscrew tail into secret slots.

• CRIME LAB
Analysis

• SCIENCE LAB
Marmalade Studies Center

Here, He-Hog studies marmalade’s special volatile properties. The marmalade is handled in a protective glass case. He puts his hands in asbestos gloves that are attached to the case.

He studies the marmalade’s viscosity, and adherent properties. If He-Hog can discover why Marmalade will cling to his butt, maybe he can create a non-toxic marmalade-atom-based trouser that he can wear. His experiments always fail. He-Hog takes his failures with good grace. “This butt of mine is a tough nut to crack!”

• SPA

Any area in the Spa is a good excuse to do sexy scenes with Alfred helping He-Hog and Half-Life relax.

Massage Table

He-Hog lays face down on the table as his little towel floats above his butt. (Nothing will stick to his ultra smooth butt.)

Radioactive Waste Bath

• HOTLINES

He-Hog has a special table filled with phones connected to the world’s important political centers:

Police Headquarters
The White House
The Kremlin
Spumco

• WORKSHOP

This is where He-Hog builds his specialized equipment:
Vehicles
Replicas

The Bottled City Of Human Women

He Hog Surveys Earth For Suitable Specimens of Human Women For An Environmental Preserve

One day, Half Life peers into He Hog's laboratory and sees him sitting behind a big glass bottle.

He Hog is wearing retractable microscopic spectacles and staring into the bottle while looking supremely intelligent.
Half Life asks what's in the bottle.

"This is a perfectly preserved miniature city, Half Life. It is peopled with a superior race... Human Women."

Half Life: "Why do we need that?"

He Hog looks up, an extremely grave expression on his begoggled snout. He says in a very serious voice:

"Because, young one, MAN IS INSANE. In his infinite arrogance, in his vainglorious lust for power he is sure to destroy the planet and himself in the process. I have taken it upon myself to preserve earth's greatest natural resource. His women."

He goes on to explain that he has shrunken 1,000,000 of them and built a tiny futuristic city to store them in. It is a big responsibility to care for them every day. He points to his latest invention, the CLIMATE DISPENSER. "I have perfectly recreated the conditions of earth's atmosphere and climate."

It has buttons on it labeled:
Rain
Sunshine
Gloom
Hurricane
Earthquake
Drought
Smog
FEMA (Failed Emergency Management Association)

He Hog picks up some tweezers and reaches into the bottle. He carefully plucks tiny wriggling things out and discards them one at a time into a wastebasket operated deftly by his hoof.

"What are you doing now, He Hog?" asks the naive little sidekick.

He Hog looks up and says matter-of-factly..."Getting rid of the ugly ones."

HALLOWEEN IN FORTRESS CITY

On Halloween night the neighborhood kids (seals, polar bears and Eskimos) start knocking on He Hog's secret door. They expect some nice sugary treats.

He Hog answers the door and realizes that he has been working so long in his lab that he forgot all about this favorite holiday! How embarrassing!

Never one to disappoint the kiddies he rushes to the lab and back again with a sly look on his face. He gingerly drops tiny hot chicks from the Bottled City Of Human Women into the trick or treat bags.

Plop, plop.... dump!

The kids cheer. "Yay He Hog!"

"Don't eat too many in one night, kids!"

He winks at the kiddies as they rush away gleefully.